Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I don't like to be black

When we were preparing for A&E's homecoming, we mentally prepared for a lot of stuff, a lot of hurts they could come with. But we thought enough love could solve everything.
Ten months after they arrived I admit I was far less prepared than I thought. So many things I didn't think of including a conversation with Abegail that's been common recently.

Abegail: Mommy, I don't like to be black.
Mommy: But honey, being black is beautiful. I love that you are black.
Abegail: But it's not fair everyone says Annie looks like you and I don't and it's not fair.
Mommy: Honey it's not what you look like on the outside its what's on the inside and how much you mean to this family.
Abegail: I want to be white
Mommy: But if you were white I wouldn't have you, I wanted black children.
Abegail: But I'm never going to look like you and Annie does and it's not fair
Mommy: Well, what if I lay out in the sun without sunscreen for a really long time and get really tan?
Abegail: No! It will just fade away.
Mommy: I could dye my hair black.
Abegail: No, it wouldn't be your real color

There are some things love just can't change. We asked our therapist about this and she says this is very common at the 7 month mark. Part of it is because they are bonding with you and they want to be like you. She said the appropriate response is, "it must be very hard not to look like your Mom your Dad."

I always thought having black children would be great to help all of us be colorblind. I never once considered how they would feel about it. This being said, I'm not sure E-man completely realizes he's black, but with so much to work on, why rush that issue.


The Googeg's said...

It's amazing how many complicated issues children have to think about. Well, you may not look alike in the mirror, but your hearts were knit to match.


Valerie said...


I showed Akins the palms of our hands and bottoms of our feet which look surprisingly very close to each other and I said we are all pink on the inside therefore we do in fact look alike. He has not talked about it sense.